Please forgive me!!!

It's 4:22 a.m. as I type this post. Sleep isn't happening as easily these days. I've been awake since 3:15 and finally decided I could be way more productive being horizontal than I was being vertical. The house is completely quiet with the exception of Cheetoe snoring and Cozmo's groans as he repositions himself! Got LOTS on my plate these days and all I can do is lay in bed and worry about everything! Ahhhhhhh!!! My mind is racing and I'm so completely overwhelmed. I type this post with clouded eyes filled with tears. Totally not looking for sympathy, as this will pass and there are others out there with far bigger problems than what I am experiencing, but thought putting my thoughts down on "paper" could be therapeutic for myself so bare with me!!

Feeling oh-so-attached to Adrey these days. Had Adrey's first evaluation with his speech therapist (whom I love by the way... she's wonderful!) yesterday and watched him as he struggled to make sense of all she was saying. He watched her intently as she resisted giving him the things he wanted until he would "say" certain words. He was frustrated and kept pointing. He WANTS to talk, he's just not ready. Adrey was very hesitant to "play" with Amy. It was amazing to me that he knew this wasn't just a play date. He could tell "something was up" and when she wouldn't give him a toy he pointed to, he'd look at me with a distressed look as if to say "WTH Mommy?". But by the end of the session he was playing peek-a-boo with her and trying to stand on the table (nice), so he was good! LOL! All in all, the session went very well, and Miss Amy was very impressed with Adrey's attention span and his good eye contact and is quite encouraged that he'll catch on quickly given his receptive skills are so good. I hope so. We're going to put our all into this therapy for the next 5 weeks and see where it gets us. I think once Adrey begins using words he will be much happier and will experience less frustration.

After the session Adrey's sitter picked him up and Adrey did NOT want to go. He was screaming and crying and holding his arms out to me. This happens every now and again (not often though) but yesterday it totally tugged at my heartstrings. I got in my car and sobbed. I just felt this surge of love and felt literally sick leaving him. I wanted to hold him and never let him go. I know it has a lot to do with (hormones) the idea that in just a few short weeks, our sequel will be here, and it will no longer be just Adrey. This is a WONDERFUL and BEAUTIFUL thing which we CAN'T WAIT FOR, don't get me wrong, but I have a feeling it's going to rock Adrey's world and that is tearing me up inside. Absolutely killing me. I just love Adrey more than words can express. He has been my world for the last two years. He IS my heart. And I can't wait to feel that same exact love for Charlie or Lola and just hope that it doesn't take long for Adrey to feel the same way.

(oh my gosh I've drenched three tissues since typing... i yi yi)

Also feeling lately the "how will we do it when there's four?". Sometimes feeling like I won't be able to wear all the hats I want to wear and juggle all that needs to be juggled. I know mistakes will be made and sleepless nights will be had... I'm prepared for that, just wondering how it'll all unfold.

We're packing up and moving out of the house this week. As in for several weeks. I've arranged for Cheetoe to be groomed and she'll be spending the next few weeks at Gigi and Boppa's house and I've scheduled Cozmo to be boarded at the kennel (which is killing me... as much as that dog drives me bonkers, it breaks my heart that he'll be cooped up in a kennel for the next couple weeks). I'm making lists of all that we'll need and hoping we don't forget a bunch of stuff because once we leave, the movers are cramming everything in the office and garage until the floors are done. Floors should take about 10 days to finish (to remove the existing floor and lay down new floor) and then they have to paint and reinstall baseboards which I imagine will take a few days. Not sure how long it will take to finish kitchen project, but I imagine we can move back in before that's done. Planning to pack a hospital bag... just in case. Ugh, my head is spinning.

Also am having lots of anxiety about the BIRTH?!?! What the heck? I've been through it once and it was apparently an easy delivery (considering some of the stories I've heard) but I'm so scared this time around!! I feel like a big baby. I remember delivering Adrey wasn't painful (thank you epidural) it was just the HARDEST thing I've ever experienced in my life. I remember feeling like I couldn't do it. I don't want to feel that way this time.

Well, guess I'll end the post here. Actually going to workout this morning... I'm sure I'll look like a million bucks showing up at the gym with no makeup and swollen/red eyes and nose! But I'll end the post with Adrey and Cozmo. Adrey is OBSESSED with Cozmo and poor Cozmo takes it so well. I keep telling Cozmo "what goes around, comes around" and I think he (Cozmo) is starting to understand what he's put us through over the years! LOL! Adrey likes to "ride" Cozmo and use his ears as reigns. He also likes to grab on to his tail and chase him around the house. OH... and his favorite game is to take the laundry basket and ram it in to the side of Cozmo and then laugh hysterically!

With all that's going on, I am happy I can say that I have the best family and friends in the world that are helping us with everything. We are so blessed.